I'm Telling by Rebecca Raymer

Author:Rebecca Raymer [Raymer, Rebecca]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: dissociative disorder
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Part 64

June 3, 2011

I have begun to notice that the perspective of the victim of rape and/or other sexual assault and abuse is constantly nudged to the side when it comes to addressing what happened to them.

Obviously, the person who committed the assault would almost certainly dismiss the victim’s perspective, if that person even considered that the victim had a perspective to begin with. People who are close to the person who committed the assault would also naturally align themselves against the perspective of the victim.

But what about everyone else? The abuser and people close to the abuser are not the only ones detrimentally affected when a victim tells on them. The victim’s own family often considers how this accusation might impact them personally, and this deters them from supporting their victimized loved one.

People do not want this kind of thing to be true, especially when it applies to someone close to them. It is yucky and uncomfortable and awkward to deal with. Mentioning it to any third-hand party culls gasps and instant scrutiny of the person spreading the information. Who wants that kind of attention?

The first thing most people hearing this information from the victim do is to question 1) is there a reason the victim would be making this sort of accusation up; and 2) is this victim mentally sound enough to know if something like that really happened to them. There are no black and white answers to these questions, so a denial is automatically easier than a consideration of credibility for the victim.

One of the things I personally heard when I was telling people about the neighbors is that I shouldn’t say anything unless I was 150% positive it really happened, because once this type of label gets applied to someone, it never goes away regardless of their guilt or innocence.

Another consideration when the revelation of sexual abuse occurs is what impact it might have on relationships if the accusations are considered genuine. When a child tells their parent that the parent’s husband or wife sexually abused them, how is that going to impact the relationship the parent has with his or her spouse?

It is not socially acceptable to acknowledge that your spouse has abused your children in any way, but especially sexually, and then stay with that spouse. The only thing short of a denial would be accusatory, and accusing a spouse of doing such things is a pretty big relationship problem, and so the search for ways to discredit your child begin immediately.

Is it fair to the accused’s family and friends and reputation? If word gets out that this person is even in any way associated with an accusation of child molestation or rape, it does tend to stick in peoples’ minds regardless of guilt or innocence.

Is it fair to come out and accuse someone of sexual abuse and risk that person’s lifestyle and reputation and standing in the community if you don’t have hard evidence to back it up? What if your memories

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